Celebrity Apprentice: Am I Missing Something?

Sanity? ✓ (I think)

Fashion Sense? ✓ (I thought)

AND SO IT HAPPENED.... this morning... I decided it was time for me to get with the Fall Fashions and look for some statement shoes. I got more than I bargained for.

As an Ebay ~~addict~~ connesuier, I am a regular browser. As usual, I key in my search -- this time for Women's Shoes (which gave me 1 million, 834 thousand, 2 hundred & 6 choices). And, consistent to my normal routine, I start the listings from the highest price descending (to weed out the 400,000 shoes that are $2.56 and look like someone pulled them down from the telephone wires.)

Here is my search result, above: Opening Page. Yes, There was some immediate jaw-droppage. Ok, first off: I am finally "catching on" to some sneaky maneuvers made by sellers to be first in the listings, as shown on the first shoe here. I've noticed now that it is common to see someone list a cheap item, and then enter the shipping at an outrageous price. I am only GUESSING that this is a silly ploy to get top spot, and certainly that the seller for these Used Leather Oxfords does not seriously want to charge $54,729.00 to ship a pair of $10 shoes somewhere.

AND THEN WE GET TO THE NEXT PAIR.

and so on. and so on. and so on. Enjoy.

These Gasoline Glamour Peacock Gold Spike Heels, can be yours for only $3,500! (Which does include FREE Shipping! But you'll have to supply your own shoe box). From: Here

♫"C is For Cookie" ♫ is truly the first utterance that popped in my head when I saw those cornea-burning blue feathered shoes.....

image: Getty

But the next mental image to pop in my head was this: Rita Wilson's plastic chandelier-parts shoes from the Emmy Awards this past week. It made noises at she walked. Seriously. Not "gold- clanking- against -each- other- from- a -charm- bracelet-but- in- a- good- way" noise, more like "plastic -bits -and -bobs- being- shaken- in- a- ziplock- bag-at- an -Alvin & The Chipmunk- decibel- level - but- it -won't- stop" noise.

I'm not trying to be snarky or anything, and those of you who read/know me, know I'm not, But am I alone here in thinking that this kind of outrageousness should be punishable for being this expensive??

I thought

FASHIONISTAS

are now

RECESSIONISTAS

... but MAYBE I'M MISSING SOMETHING...

My Marbles? ✓ (Nope, they're glued on my glittered pumps)

This boutique on Ebay, which is run by an L.A. Stylist, has several pairs of shoes by the brand "Gasoline Glamour".

"This fantasy piece from GASOLINE.GLAMOUR is the quintessential must have for any stylista that likes going against the grain. Its a sparkly, glitzy, glamourous statement making piece that you will adore for a lifetime." (quoted from Chic Little Devil Boutique)

"Gasoline Glamour is the authority on dress up rock & roll, do it my way jewelry. Not just for Rock & Roll royalty, Gasoline Glamour is also featured in today's most avant garde, magazines and worn by the A List style makers." (quoted from Chic Little Devil Boutique)

Gasoline Glamour Candy Platform Crystal Heels, $5,500! From: Here

But if you REALLY want a pair of $5,500.00 EDIBLE Shoes, AND You're a crafty diva, then I've come up with the perfect DIY version, below.

You can make these yourself with a quick trip to the "entertainment industry shoe supply house" for some ankle-breaking-inducing platforms... a few old lollipops taken from your secret candy stash and some rhinestones from the box of crafts in your garage saved from 1988, and voila! You have saved yourself $5,475!!

Gasoline Glamour Purple Crystal Feather Pumps, $6,500.00! From: Here

OR, you can save $6,480 by digging in your kid's craft box and make these purple Barney stunners on a Saturday afternoon, when you have nothing else better to do than honing your bedazzler skills.....

Gasoline Glamour Lace Up Ankle Booties, $6,250.00 (Plus $8.00 for Shipping, which I am sure covers the insurance for the amount of security detectors these shoes will set off in the Postal Services around the world).... From: Here

And don't worry if you're on the dance floor and you realize you have two left feet.... when you wear these shoes, you can't really tell that you have feet anyways. It is just a hot pile of Kryptonite... Which would make you invincible on the dance floor. And they double as a weapon, if you forgot your mace on your way back to your car. One karate kick and ......Heeeyyyaaahhh! Metal Devastation.

Gasoline Glamour Studded Ankle Strap Rock Pumps, $3,500, now ONLY $2,450. From: Here

On the Red Carpet, courtesy of MTV

I just have so many things to say about these yet I am left speechless..... I can't even go there.

Gasoline Glamour Crystal Clown Ankle Booties, $4,125.00.... From: Here

MY DIY VERSION BELOW
(for all you *abby-normal people who DON'T think clowns are a little creepy)

*Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, where did you get this brain??
Igor: I got it from the jar named Abby Normal...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby Normal?? You mean you brought me an abnormal brain???!!!??

Save $4,075 by making it yourself! Not that you'd want to, but if you did....

And if you are one of those fashionistias that like to have your shoes and your accessories match, here is the necklace to go with your clown shoes, aptly named the Gasoline Glamour Gold Clown Damask Pendant Necklace.

It can be yours for ONLY $4,500 (here)

Actress Katerina Graham from The Vampire Diaries actually rocking this look

I mean really.... for your anniversary, if a jewelry box was placed in front of you, and you knew your husband spend over FOUR GRAND, which would you rather open....

A Crystal Encrusted Clown Pendant ($4,500) OR a Brooch with Quartz Crystal in 18k gold with Rubies and Diamonds (also $4,500 here)

A Double-Strand signed Christopher Walling Pearl Necklace with 18k Gold, Diamonds, and Emerald-cut Rhodolite ($4,500 here) OR Mr. Toothless Spooky Man wearing a Sparkly-Cher-like-Toupee ($4,500)

A Nightmare inducing creepy clown-head, that's obviously had too much Botox judging by his unnatural eyebrow-arch (and I'm pretty sure "Botox on clown faces" is where we're headed next...) ($4,500) OR a Pair of Estate Emerald and Diamond Earrings in 18k White gold ($4,500 here)

I'M JUST SAYING......

BUT WAIT, IT ONLY GET'S ~~BETTER~~ MORE EXPENSIVE!!!

Okay, this one I kinda get. In a sculptural-art-piece way. It somewhat reminds me of hats made by Philip Treacy, below, the GENIUS "King" of Millinery.

Gasoline Galmour Feather Platfrom Heels, Starting Bid of $8,500.00.... "Buy It Now" Price of $14,500.00 (*No shoe box FOR YOU!*said with the Soup Nazi's accent* But, you do get complimentary Shipping)

Just in case you don't believe me:

BUT, (and you know what a "but" means: It means that everything I have said/written before the word "but" doesn't mean anything).... I have to say this. Yes, this L.A. Stylist has some really ...ummm....hmmm... what's the word..... AVANT GARDE.... fashion in her Ebay store, but I also gotta say, she does have some beautiful and unusual runway pieces, including actual pieces from Project Runway! (Love Christian Siriano's pieces. They have a LOT of Project Runway designer pieces.) So it is worth checking out! Here are some of my faves from her store, appropiately named: